SEEKING HELP DURING A BREAK-UP SHOULD NEVER BE A BLACK MARK
Written by: Corrine Barraclough
Why do people remain silent? Often, stifling fear about the potential ramifications pursuing professional help could have.
This is what needs to change; we must ensure speaking up doesn’t have consequences.
One statistic has been stuck in my head. It’s estimated between three and five fathers a day take their own lives because of family access restrictions, according to Lone Fathers and Dads in Distress.
Between 2004 and 2014, we lost 19,995 men to suicide. The Australian suicide rate among men aged 40 to 44 is at its highest in 13 years. Sane Australia CEO Jack Heath described the shocking rate of suicide as “simply unacceptable”.
We need to start asking why.
A conversation with Leith Erikson, founder of Australian Brotherhood of Fathers (ABF), left me troubled. ABF started four years ago to attend family courts and connect with men in crisis. A series of awareness protests are running in Sydney, Brisbane, and Melbourne.
“Men are too scared to ask for support when they need it most,” he said.
“They’re drowning in depression but they talk to a lawyer about getting access to their children through Family Court and they’re warned not to go to their GP.
“They’re advised not to go on to a mental health plan as it could impact their chances of getting access to their children. I’ve just been to see a young father who was on the brink of taking his own life. He broke up with his girlfriend a year ago; he’s desperate to see his 18-month-old son.”
Access to their children is the issue that causes the most stress and anguish for fathers going through a break up. (Pic: Supplied)
As I listened to him speak, it struck me that we have to look at this with more clarity. We need to connect these dots.
In this case, desperation to see his son was conflicting with an urgent need for professional help. Which do you choose? You need to choose support. If you don’t speak up and hold out your hand for help there’s no tomorrow, no next week, and no future.
The ripple effect of such tragedy is immense. Not only does it affect children, who need to spend time with fathers who created them, it impacts the entire extended family.
This man’s father is on anti-depressants, his wife can’t sleep, and their relationship is under pressure. It’s tearing families to pieces, every day.
Justin Dowd, a family law specialist and partner at Watts McCray lawyers NSW, says: “Being involved in any litigation is incredibly stressful, especially if it involves your own children.
“Often it comes at the worst time of your life because you’ve just gone through a breakup. It’s entirely natural to be experiencing depression and it’s important men seek the help they need.
“Women are much more likely than men to feel comfortable in asking for professional help. As part of proceedings, the court will request a psychological report. It’s not in your best interest if this turns up things you have previously hidden.
“It’s crucial for you to seek help be honest and request that your lawyer gets paperwork from your GP outlining that you’re responding to treatment and on track. This is the best strategy for all concerned - for the children and parties themselves.”
Men in crisis aren’t seeking help because they believe it will be detrimental to accessing their children – this conversation needs to start now.