Why maintaining a relationship with your former partner is good for you!

Separations and divorces result in a lot of difficult emotions. From anger to resentment to just general feelings of sadness – it's a roller coaster of feelings. While at the onset of this process, these emotions can make a friendship with your ex-spouse difficult, it is important to try and reach a place where you can maintain a civil relationship when their a kids involved (at the very least).

Hostile divorce proceedings are not only emotionally draining, and bad for your mental and physical health, they are much more costly. Its also bad for the children! Put simply, there is no benefits for maintaining a hostile relationship with your former partner. Divorce proceedings involving anger and resentment towards each other, or even when one is angry about the past, can cost anywhere from $20,000 to $100,000. Angry emotions don't make for good decisions, and get in the way of being able to negotiate parenting arrangements and property settlement. It also contributes to psychological issues in children.  

Keeping it friendly with your ex spouse

When former partners can form a civil relationship, they can often avoid going to court altogether and make amicable settlements privately with the help of a therapist, mediator and family law specialist. – This significantly reduces costs. 

If you are facing an impending divorce, what steps can you take to maintain an amicable relationship with your ex?

1. Resolve your grievances

Its hard to resolve issue relating to child arrangements and property settlement when it comes  emotions are high. Sometimes its important to work on the emotional issues before dealing with the more practical issues. Consider finding a therapists, learn meditation, attend yoga, or even take a holiday. Divorce is tough, so don't underestimate the impact it has on you. 

Establish ground rules

It's hard to transition from marriage to friendship because it's easy to fall back into old habits. Remember, if you have decided to separate there are likely plenty of good reasons. Set some boundaries for the outset. Agree to find new support systems and avoid intimate gestures when possible – this can help ensure you don't blur the line between friendship and your previous relationship.

2. Let the past go

There are bound to be feelings of anger and resentment on both sides. The key to moving forward is letting go of these negative emotions. If you hold on to past anger you'll end up falling back into old arguments – creating a tension that doesn't need to exist anymore. Clear the slate and start fresh if you really want a friendly relationship with your ex-partner.

3. Understand that friendship might not be an option

Friendship isn't always an option with your ex – and that's okay too. Sometimes there is too much hurt leftover. This doesn't mean you have to be sworn enemies, there is a middle ground. Be civil and respectful to each other, recognise that there is an opportunity to ditch the anger and move forward in a way that is productive to both of you.