THE ART OF FORGIVENESS
THE ART OF FORGIVENESS
Holding a grudge?
Written by Jeremy Limpens
Forgive no matter what! While your initial thoughts might be scepticism, consider the following: forgiveness is the act of letting go of the burden that you carry from another person who has hurt you as a result of something they've done, failed to do, or something they said. Forgiveness is the practice of freeing up your energy to focus on things that are good for us, and good for others.
There’s a saying: “Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get hurt or die.” The reality is that holding onto resentment has a negative impact on our emotional and physical state. It creates a state of dis-ease!
The great thing about forgiveness is that it only needs one person to complete the process - you! You don’t even need the 'offender'.
If you have someone you’re holding a grudge against or are resenting what they did, ask yourself the following questions: What value is your resentment adding to your life? What would be the outcome if you let go of the past incident?
One thing is for sure: the more time we spend resenting something that happened in the past, the less time we spend in the present moment. And that impacts on the way we feel, and impacts on our ability to have loving relationships.
Of course it’s not easy to forgive and forget. But if you hold onto the resentment, you continue to suffer. We’ve already been hurt, yet we continue to inflict further suffering on ourselves by failing to forgive.
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”—Paul Boese
The good news is, forgiveness is possible, and there is a way to 'let go'.
Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. provides the following method for achieving forgiveness:
Think of someone who has hurt you or caused you pain (maybe not the person who has hurt you most) whom you are holding a grudge against right now. Visualize the time you had been hurt by this person and feel the pain you still carry. Hold tightly to your unwillingness to forgive. Now observe what emotion you are feeling. Is it anger, resentment, sadness? Also use your body as a barometer and notice physically what you feel. Are you tense anywhere or feeling heavy? Now bring awareness to your thoughts; are they hateful, spiteful thoughts?
Feel this burden that lives inside when you hold so tightly to past hurts. Now ask yourself, “Who is suffering? Have I carried this burden long enough? Am I willing to forgive?” If not, that is okay, perhaps the time will come when you’re ready.
If you are ready, practice “Breathing in, I acknowledge the pain, breathing out, forgiving and releasing this burden from my heart and mind.”